Between the ages of 7 – 13, my mother used to scream at me:
‘you are not the centre of the universe’ and I, like any kind-hearted,
mother-loving son, would stop whatever it was that was annoying her and do my
best to remain quiet... at least temporarily. However, when looking back upon
the maxim she employed to shut me up, I feel as if a huge opportunity was missed.
I believe she was wrong in her
assumptions, because I am, of course, the centre of my universe. I may not be the centre of the universe, but this again, is debatable. Allow me to demonstrate
using Kantian metaphysics. Immanuel Kant distinguished between the phenomenal
world and the noumenal world. The phenomenal world is the world as we
experience it using empirical observation with an added dose of synthetic
judgements a priori. This world,
essentially, is the world of our perceptions.
The noumenal world, on the other
hand, is the actual world - or ‘the thing-in-itself’ - a world we can never
fully understand due to the limitations of our perceptions.
Now, in the phenomenal world, I
am absolutely the centre of the universe. The world, to borrow another trite,
maternal idiom, does indeed revolve around me. Everything is subject to my
perception. So when my mother says ‘you are not the centre of the universe’, an
adequate, though somewhat mischievous response would be: ‘in fact, mother, to a
certain degree I am. You see, mother, from my perspective I am indeed the
centre of the phenomenal universe.’
My mother never hit me; however,
if I refuted her claim in her already apoplectic state by utilizing Kantian
metaphysics at 9 years old, I don’t believe that statement would remain true.
There would land the first slap – probably with her weaker, ring-less left
hand.
The noumenal world (the
thing-in-itself) could appropriately be seen as our collective universe – in
the sense that it is the world we all perceive - and is more likely what my
mother was referring to. However, as Kant explains, we have only a limited
understanding of this universe as it cannot be comprehended beyond our own
perceptions; therefore, her claim that I am not the centre of the universe is
unfounded. I could respond ‘mother, no one knows exactly who or where the
centre of this noumenal universe is; it could be me, it could indeed be you.
Stop making assumptions!’
Now at this point, she would
probably hit me for the second time, potentially with a closed fist. But, I
like to think I was a courageous 9 year old, and had I been aware of her
fallacious statement, I may have had the temerity to continue. I may have even
been audacious enough to forget Kantian metaphysics and utilized a more
scientific reasoning.
I might have said to my mother: ‘furthermore,
mother... scientists argue that space is infinite, which means that I am either
the centre of the universe, or we have no idea where the centre is, or there is
actually no centre. All these theories prove that you were either wrong, or,
your hypothesis, mother, was verily illogical’. At this point I would laugh
grandiloquently, as loud as possible.
Now, as you may have guessed,
mother would be quite frustrated by this point and she may land the third blow –
this time, I assume, it would be with her closed right fist, because her
protruding wedding ring would likely cause more damage than her weakened left
hand. My mother, seeing me bloodied by her pugnacious response, would likely
feel remorse.
As I imagine it, she would kneel
down and say ‘I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to, I am a fool, I’m sorry, I’m
sorry, It’s all my fault’. Upon hearing how many ‘I’s’ were used in one
sentence, I would probably have a response: ‘mother’ I would say with a smile
rising from my sanguineous, quivering lip ‘it’s not all about you, you know!’
Anyway, if any 9 year olds happen
to be reading this that are fed up of hearing: ‘you are not the centre of the
universe’ and want to get beaten up by their mum, you now know what to do.
